Masturbation In Relationships

The Role of Masturbation in Committed Relationships

Masturbation is usually thought of as a solitary activity, it is often referenced as a symbol of being alone. So it shouldn't be surprising that the topic of masturbation in relationships is one that doesn’t come up too often. But masturbation doesn’t stop when a relationship begins, and by hiding our masturbation in relationships from our partners we’re potentially missing out on an opportunity for sexual communication, and a chance to improve our sex lives.

Do most people in relationships still masturbate?

While there isn’t a lot of research, there have been several studies, dating back to the 1970s, that have asked people in relationships about their masturbation practices. This research has shown that people in relationships don’t masturbate significantly less than people who aren’t in relationships. Yet it is a common masturbation myth that masturbation is just a substitute for partner sex, and that once you have a partner you don’t “need” to masturbate. Whether we’re honest with our partners about masturbation, in research we are fessing up to the fact that many of us continue to make masturbation part of our sex lives, even when we’re in relationships. 

Why do people hide their masturbation in relationships?

Sadly, the research also suggests that the majority of people don’t talk with their partners about masturbation. In one small study of married couples, less than 30% of the couples where both partners masturbated, knew that their partners regularly masturbated. But why would you hide something from the person you are supposed to be most intimate with? There are lots of reasons people might hid their masturbation from a partner:

• thinking that masturbation is a sign of sexual dissatisfaction with your partner and therefore an insult
• believing that you only have so much sexual energy and if you use it up with masturbation you’ll have less left for your partner
• general shame and guilt about masturbation
• wanting to keep some part of your sex life just for yourself 

 

Reasons to talk with your partner about masturbation in your relationship

While there aren’t any right and wrong answers to the question should you talk with your partner about masturbation, there are some good reasons to think about doing it:

• masturbation is a great way to deal with differing sex drives: if it’s out in the open you can both use it not as a substitute but as an addition to your partner sex
• masturbation is a great tool for learning: you can learn a lot about your partner from their masturbation techniques and habits
• masturbation is another side of you: sharing talk about masturbation and/or masturbating in your partner’s presence can be a powerful way of sharing a new level of intimacy  

 

Should I talk to my partner about masturbating in our relationship?

Ultimately this has to be your decision and you need to do what feels right, not simply what you think is expected of you. On the one hand masturbation is universally derided and considered not real sex. On the other it’s the longest sexual relationship any of us will have, and we should respect and honor that.

Keep in mind that masturbation may mean different things to you and your partner. While you might think it’s a great part of your overall sex life, your partner might feel threatened by it. This isn’t a reason not to talk about it, but it’s something to keep in mind before you start a conversation about masturbation in your relationship. 

Source : http://sexuality.about.com

How Much Masturbation is Too Much Masturbation?

Question: How Much Masturbation is Too Much Masturbation?

I need help. On your site it says that masturbation is great and healthy and everything, but then it also says that you can do it too much. But no one tells me how much masturbation is too much. Basically I do it at least once a day, mostly in bed, and sometimes more. I don’t have a girlfriend right now, and I don’t want to damage anything down there. Can you just tell me yes or no, is masturbating once a day too much?

 

Answer:

I wish I could answer your question easily, but masturbation isn’t like eating right, the FDA doesn’t offer us a "daily allowance" for masturbation (which is a good thing too, because I’m sure they’d give us some low ball number). Masturbation, like all of sex, is related to many things, physical, emotional, psychological, social, spiritual…the list goes on. So there’s never one answer to the question how much masturbation is too much masturbation or what qualifies as over masturbation.

This isn’t to say that you won’t find people who will give you a simple answer to your complicated question. The question of how much masturbation is too much has been the focus of some people’s life’s work, dozens of books, and countless religious tracts and sermons. Some say masturbation is terrible, some say masturbation is okay, but only when you’re young and single, and some tell you the truth, which is that masturbation is perfectly healthy and an important part of sexual health. With all these conflicting messages what is most important is that you do exactly what you’re doing right now; ask the question for yourself.

Too much masturbation can’t be determined only from the number of times you’re masturbating in a day or week. You need to dig deeper, and you can start by asking yourself some other questions about your masturbation habits:

• Is your masturbation causing you distress?
• Is your masturbation causing (unwanted) physical pain or damage?
• Is your masturbation getting in the way of your life in unwanted ways?
• Do you find yourself literally unable to stop masturbating?

If you answered yes to any of these questions, then I would say it’s possible (but still not definite) that you are masturbating too much right now. This doesn’t mean that there aren’t other times in your life when masturbating everyday would be perfectly fine. It also doesn’t mean that there aren’t people out there who masturbate everyday (or more) and who are completely healthy and have no reason to masturbate less. Remember, there isn’t a magic number, and we all use sex differently.

If you do think you’re masturbating too much (that is if your masturbation is causing you distress, or pain, or it feels compulsive, or it’s getting in the way of your daily life) it may be something you want to talk to a professional about. Be sure it’s someone who is comfortable talking about sex and isn’t going to make you feel bad for your healthy sexual expression. If you need some help finding a certified sexuality professional in your area you can visit the American Association of Sexuality Educators Counselors Therapist Website, where they offer a referral list.

Source : http://sexuality.about.com

How To Masturbate

Tips and Techniques for Masturbation

It would be nice to think that we all know how to touch ourselves in loving ways, but the fact is that we don’t. Masturbation doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and if you can get past the taboo or embarrassing aspects of talking about masturbation, it seems a bit ridiculous that isn't more direct information on how to do it. The links below are an attempt to offer just such advice.

Basic Masturbation How Tos

You may want to start with the basics on how women masturbate and how men masturbate. Keep in mind that the way you masturbate isn’t dictated by your gender, it should be based on what feels good. While many men will masturbate focused on their penis and women may focus on their clitoris, others enjoy anal masturbation, or focusing on fantasy masturbation. 

Advanced Masturbation Technique

Masturbation can be much more than a means to an end. As you start exploring more advanced masturbation techniques you may find you discover things you enjoy sexually (places you like to touch yourself, fantasies you like to have, and ways you like to stimulate yourself) that you want to share with a partner and bring into the rest of your sex life. You can experiment with different sex positions during masturbation and many people will begin masturbating with sex toys before introducing sex toys to a partner. 

Masturbate With The One You Love

It might seem like an oxymoron, but if you’re in a relationship you may also want to explore mutual masturbation as a way of bringing something of your solo sex life into your relationship and as a way of changing up your partnered sex routine. If you’re interested in exploring mutual masturbation, you may want to do some homework on how to give a women a handjob and how to give a man a handjob. 

  

Source : http://sexuality.about.com