Masturbation In Relationships

The Role of Masturbation in Committed Relationships

Masturbation is usually thought of as a solitary activity, it is often referenced as a symbol of being alone. So it shouldn't be surprising that the topic of masturbation in relationships is one that doesn’t come up too often. But masturbation doesn’t stop when a relationship begins, and by hiding our masturbation in relationships from our partners we’re potentially missing out on an opportunity for sexual communication, and a chance to improve our sex lives.

Do most people in relationships still masturbate?

While there isn’t a lot of research, there have been several studies, dating back to the 1970s, that have asked people in relationships about their masturbation practices. This research has shown that people in relationships don’t masturbate significantly less than people who aren’t in relationships. Yet it is a common masturbation myth that masturbation is just a substitute for partner sex, and that once you have a partner you don’t “need” to masturbate. Whether we’re honest with our partners about masturbation, in research we are fessing up to the fact that many of us continue to make masturbation part of our sex lives, even when we’re in relationships. 

Why do people hide their masturbation in relationships?

Sadly, the research also suggests that the majority of people don’t talk with their partners about masturbation. In one small study of married couples, less than 30% of the couples where both partners masturbated, knew that their partners regularly masturbated. But why would you hide something from the person you are supposed to be most intimate with? There are lots of reasons people might hid their masturbation from a partner:

• thinking that masturbation is a sign of sexual dissatisfaction with your partner and therefore an insult
• believing that you only have so much sexual energy and if you use it up with masturbation you’ll have less left for your partner
• general shame and guilt about masturbation
• wanting to keep some part of your sex life just for yourself 

 

Reasons to talk with your partner about masturbation in your relationship

While there aren’t any right and wrong answers to the question should you talk with your partner about masturbation, there are some good reasons to think about doing it:

• masturbation is a great way to deal with differing sex drives: if it’s out in the open you can both use it not as a substitute but as an addition to your partner sex
• masturbation is a great tool for learning: you can learn a lot about your partner from their masturbation techniques and habits
• masturbation is another side of you: sharing talk about masturbation and/or masturbating in your partner’s presence can be a powerful way of sharing a new level of intimacy  

 

Should I talk to my partner about masturbating in our relationship?

Ultimately this has to be your decision and you need to do what feels right, not simply what you think is expected of you. On the one hand masturbation is universally derided and considered not real sex. On the other it’s the longest sexual relationship any of us will have, and we should respect and honor that.

Keep in mind that masturbation may mean different things to you and your partner. While you might think it’s a great part of your overall sex life, your partner might feel threatened by it. This isn’t a reason not to talk about it, but it’s something to keep in mind before you start a conversation about masturbation in your relationship. 

Source : http://sexuality.about.com

How To Masturbate

Tips and Techniques for Masturbation

It would be nice to think that we all know how to touch ourselves in loving ways, but the fact is that we don’t. Masturbation doesn’t come naturally to everyone, and if you can get past the taboo or embarrassing aspects of talking about masturbation, it seems a bit ridiculous that isn't more direct information on how to do it. The links below are an attempt to offer just such advice.

Basic Masturbation How Tos

You may want to start with the basics on how women masturbate and how men masturbate. Keep in mind that the way you masturbate isn’t dictated by your gender, it should be based on what feels good. While many men will masturbate focused on their penis and women may focus on their clitoris, others enjoy anal masturbation, or focusing on fantasy masturbation. 

Advanced Masturbation Technique

Masturbation can be much more than a means to an end. As you start exploring more advanced masturbation techniques you may find you discover things you enjoy sexually (places you like to touch yourself, fantasies you like to have, and ways you like to stimulate yourself) that you want to share with a partner and bring into the rest of your sex life. You can experiment with different sex positions during masturbation and many people will begin masturbating with sex toys before introducing sex toys to a partner. 

Masturbate With The One You Love

It might seem like an oxymoron, but if you’re in a relationship you may also want to explore mutual masturbation as a way of bringing something of your solo sex life into your relationship and as a way of changing up your partnered sex routine. If you’re interested in exploring mutual masturbation, you may want to do some homework on how to give a women a handjob and how to give a man a handjob. 

  

Source : http://sexuality.about.com

Effects Of Masturbation

Surprisingly little research attention has been paid to the specific effects of masturbation. The history of masturbation is littered with moral condemnation and scientific inaccuracies regarding its negative effects but thankfully there finally seems to be medical agreement that masturbation is a healthy form of sexual expression, and one with more positive than negative effects. 

Still many of us believe the masturbation myths we are raised with, which makes it worthwhile to learn the truth about the effects of masturbation on the body and the mind.

Masturbation can increase self-knowledge:

Sex educators don’t call masturbation the cornerstone of sexual health for nothing. Masturbation is the first, safest, and best way to get to know how your sexual body works. You can learn what turns you on and what doesn’t. You can learn how to give yourself sexual pleasure in a hurry, or when you’ve got nothing but time. As an educational tool, masturbation is better than any textbook, video or website you’ll ever read (that includes this one!). 

Masturbation can lead to self-discovery:

Even if you know how to get the job done, masturbatorally speaking, your capacity to feel sexual pleasure is limitless and masturbation is a great way to find new functions for familiar parts. Often when we’re having sex with a partner we might be too self-conscious, shy, or otherwise distracted to pay close attention to what’s happening in our own body. Masturbation, when you’re doing it by yourself, allows you to focus on the subtlety of your own sexual response,  and possibly discover things you hadn’t previously realized were part of your sexuality.

Masturbation is nature’s sleep aid:

While thinking about sex might keep you up at night having it, including masturbation, is a great way to deal with insomnia. In a 2000 study of U.S. women, 32% said that in the past three months they masturbated as a way to fall asleep. Whether it’s because of the hormones and endorphins released following orgasm, , the benefits of clearing your head, or the mini cardio workout, masturbation that ends in orgasm is a great way to get to sleep without pills, television, or counting sheep.

Masturbation provides pain relief:

Whether you’re experiencing temporary or chronic pain from sore joints, headaches, menstrual cramps, or other causes, masturbation and orgasm can, in some cases, provide natural pain relief. While we don’t know exactly why, research has documented arousal and orgasm resulting in reduced pain thresholds. It’s worth pointing out that for some conditions (like migraine headaches) orgasm can either reduce the pain or increase it.

Masturbation is a great stress reliever:

Several studies have documented the relaxation effects of masturbation induced orgasm. Aside from the physical benefits, masturbation, when you’re doing it right, is all about “you time” and taking time to focus on yourself is a great way to break up the stress of a busy life. Particularly when used with sexual fantasy, masturbation can be a great escape, a way to let off some steam, and while masturbation alone might not be enough to deal with all the stress in your life, it’s a healthy, free, and non-pharmaceutical tool right at your fingertips (or other body part or sex toy, as the case may be).

Masturbation may offer cancer prevention:

Two recent studies found a link between the number of times a man ejaculates and the likelihood of getting prostate cancer. The prostate gland produces and stores seminal fluid and the fluid can build up in the prostate if a man goes a long time without ejaculating. This build up isn’t always a problem, but in the studies men who ejaculate more were less likely to be diagnosed with prostate cancer. Another researcher has proposed a theory that orgasm may offer some protective effect against breast cancer via oxytocin released at orgasm. 

Source : http://sexuality.about.com

Masturbation Sex Positions

Betty Dodson, considered by many to be the Grandmother of Masturbation, often writes about the way we hold our bodies when we masturbate. Many of us keep very stiff (no pun intended) and still when we masturbate, and only relax once we have climaxed. In her books and videos, Dodson highlights the importance of moving while you masturbate.

One aspect of this is the physical position we put our body in when we masturbate. Because masturbation is often considered purely for its functional benefits (rather than an expression of love or lust or creativity) most people don’t think about variations on sexual positions for masturbation. There are thousands of variations, but here are some basic ideas to spark your imagination.

Masturbation Sex Position - Stretch and Relax:

This position is the antidote for those who tense up and never move during masturbation. Before you begin, lie on your back, and stretch your arms and legs out as far as possible, making your body into an “X” shape. Try to hold the stretch for ten seconds. Do this a few times before you begin masturbating. As you masturbate try to keep your body stretched out as much as is comfortable, think about it as if you are trying to take up as much space on the bed as you can.

Masturbation Sex Position – Knees Bent/Hips Open:

This is a classic position for masturbation. Lie on your back with your feet on your floor and knees bent. Focus on how your hips feel, and the different kinds of hip movements that are comfortable and possible in this position. A variation of this position is to bring your knees close to your chest. This position is all about rocking your hips and opening them up to the energy that is created as you masturbate.

Masturbation Sex Position - On Your Knees:

This may seem like an odd position but that is partly the point. Find a comfortable position on your knees, with a pillow underneath them. Try it with your body upright, as if standing on your knees. Be on your knees but leaning back resting on your calves You can even try to masturbate while on your hands and knees (although you’ll probably have at least one hand occupied, so be careful with your balance). The point is to see how masturbation and orgasm feels, in these different positions.

Masturbation Sex Position - Heels over Head:

Not everyone will be flexible enough for this masturbation sex position, but you can experiment with variations that will work for you. Lie on your back and bring your legs up so that they are pointing to your head. You can keep your legs together or spread them apart, you can bend your knees or keep them straight. In this position you have access not just to your genitals but also your sides, your behind, and your legs. Put a pillow under your hips

Masturbation Sex Position – Half on/Half off:

This position is designed to get you playing with gravity. In this position you want to have part of your body on a flat surface (like a bed or the floor) and another part of your body at a different level. So you might lie on your back near a wall with your legs up on the wall. Or try lying on your stomach at the edge of the bed with your waist and legs off the bed. Or masturbate while sitting up completely straight, so that your upper torso is sitting up and your lower body is lying flat.

Masturbation Sex Position – Dancing on the Walls

Lie on your back either on bed or the floor, but right by a wall. Position your waist so that your bum is right by the wall, and raise your legs going straight up the wall (it’s like that “bicycle” exercise position). A variation of this is to keep your bum slightly away from the wall and put your feet flat against the wall with your knees bent (so that when you push with your feet you are moving your body away from the wall). This position is another good one for exploring hip movements, and you can experiment with pushing against the wall with your feet as you masturbate. 

Masturbation Sex Position - All Curled Up and Nowhere to Go

This position for masturbation is about drawing your body in on itself. You can curl up on your side, on your back, or on your hands and knees. In each position your genitals are still exposed and it’s easiest to use a sex toy for masturbating in these positions. You may not notice much while masturbating in this position, but once you’ve finished, stretch out, and pay close attention to how your body feels.

Source : http://sexuality.about.com